O That I Could Repent

O that I could repent!
O that I could believe!
Thou by Thy voice the marble rent,
Thou by Thy voice the marble rent,
The rock in sunder cleave!

Thou, by Thy two-edged sword,
My soul and spirit part,
Strike with the hammer of Thy Word,
Strike with the hammer of Thy Word,
And break my stubborn heart!

Saviour, and Prince of Peace,
The double grace bestow;
Unloose the bands of wickedness,
Unloose the bands of wickedness,
And let the captive go:

Grant me my sins to feel,
And then the load remove:
Wound, and pour in, my wounds to heal,
Wound, and pour in, my wounds to heal,
The balm of pardoning love.

For Thy own mercy’s sake
The cursèd thing remove;
And into Thy protection take
And into Thy protection take
The prisoner of Thy love:

In every trying hour
Stand by my feeble soul;
And screen me from my nature’s power,
And screen me from my nature’s power,
Till Thou hast made me whole.

This is Thy will, I know,
That I should holy be,
Should let my sin this moment go,
Should let my sin this moment go,
This moment turn to Thee:

O might I now embrace
Thy all-sufficient power;
And never more to sin give place,
And never more to sin give place,
And never grieve Thee more!

Charles Wesley 1749

I don’t know about you but these words capture my experience of the Christian life – knowing that under the surface of my turning away from all wrongdoing there needs to be a more fundamental sea change.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer (German Pastor & Theologian, co-conspirator in the failed plot to kill Hitler and perhaps Christian Martyr) spoke of repentance as the most acute form of pain anyone can face – for it is to face oneself as we are: in God’s sight rather than our own.  To repent therefore is a God-given thing – it is a work of God in our lives.  Here, in this hymn, Wesley captures it well – essentially ‘bring me to brokenness of seeing me as I am and then heal me as I am that I may know you’.

What better song is there to sing?  I don’t mean this hymn, but the Christian heart crying out to be wounded, cleft in two even, for the sake of knowing Christ better?

So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. Romans 7:21-25